Hermione Granger/Millicent Bulstrode (Harry Potter)

[ofangoriousone.livejournal.com]

Title: Cat Scratch Fever
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Hermione Granger/Millicent Bulstrode
Author: ofangoriousone
Disclaimer: No single character mentioned in the following essay belongs to me. They are J.K. Rowling's. The ship name 'HMS Mental Muscle' is the brainchild of the lovely la_fono.
Spoilers: Teensy bits of books 2 and 5



INTRO

So. Hermione/Millicent. If you’re not already a fan of the pairing, your OMG-TOTALLY-RANDOM sirens are probably raising hell right now. Because like any pairing involving a minor character, it kind of gives you a niggling feeling of ‘WHY the heck should I ship this?’ – there’s no reason to be loyal to a fandom where one of the characters can do a 180 degree personality switch from one fic to another.

But they are worth it. And hopefully by the end of this essay you might see why- obscure though it is- this ship is my #1 ship when it comes to HP slash. So bear with me and we shall merrilye be on our waye.

THE CHARACTERS

Let’s start with Miss Hermione Granger- arguably the easier of the two to analyze since we actually know a thing or two about this lovely lass.

Hermione Granger

I’ve always imagined that if Hermione had been stuck as a Muggle, she would make a rather spectacular scientist. There are no flights of fancy with this girl- it’s all about facts, proof and practicality with Hermione. She’s as grounded as they get- a quality that shows through most clearly whenever she’s thrown together with Luna, her polar opposite. Screw the Crumple-Horned Snorcacks, says Hermione, I won’t believe them until I see them.

Which is not to say that Hermione loathes all things impractical. In fact, it seems very difficult to get Hermione to loathe anything at all, unless that ‘anything’ is posing a direct threat to those she cares for. Whenever this happens, Hermione pulls a Mrs. Weasley and tends to be something of a hellcat. But overall, Hermione is probably the most kindhearted, diplomatic and considerate of her trio of friends- perhaps because she’s also the most insightful. Throughout the series, we keep seeing Hermione trying to explain other people’s feelings to a bewildered Harry and Ron.

In summary: Hermione is a no-frills attached, sensible and mature girl who loves deeply.

Millicent Bulstrode

is perhaps a tougher egg to crack. Not to suggest that Hermione isn’t complicated (the above doesn’t cover half of it I’m sure), but it’s obviously harder to describe Millicent since we know next to nothing about her.

Despite this, Fanon!Millicent is surprisingly uniform across the board. Unlike characters such as Pansy and gender-confused Blaise who tend to vary drastically from fic to fic, Millicent consistently remains her taciturn, cynical, intelligent self.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s look first at

CANON MILLICENT

Millicent’s mentioned during the Sorting, but we don’t really meet her until the dueling club in CoS. And we aren’t given the most favorable impression.

“Behind [Malfoy] walked a Slytherin girl who reminded Harry of a picture he’d seen in Holidays with Hags. She was large and square and her heavy jaw jutted aggressively. Hermione gave her a weak smile that she did not return. (CoS, pg 191)”

So Millicent is something of a troll, and not only in appearance- later, she puts Hermione in a headlock which Harry has to struggle to break.

She also has a cat.

This is really all we know/see of Millicent until OotP, when she barges into Umbridge’s office as part of the Inquisitorial Squad and pins Hermione against the wall.

…hee.

I mean.

Anyway, the long and short is we know little of Millicent: she’s not very attractive, she likes to get things done with her fists, she owns a cat.

Even so, it seems that this scanty info is enough to build up a pretty cohesive

FANON MILLICENT

Fanon Millicent is- unlike Hermione- something of a loner. This makes sense; from what we know of her, she’s not the most attractive or feminine girl, and being put in a house like Slytherin more or less guarantees that she will be teased. So not only does it make sense for her to be a loner, it also makes sense for her to be a defensive loner. Given her tendency to plow right in with her fists, her defensiveness has probably earned her a grudging respect from her housemates as well.

Not to say that Millicent is the female Crabbe/Goyle; she’s intelligent, practical and sharp-sighted. This leads her to be bitingly realistic about her situation; she’s not one to delude herself into thinking she is/has more than she does. So she’s something of a cynic. This isn’t to say that she’s completely invulnerable and ready for everything that comes her way- it just means that she thinks she’s invulnerable. Fanon Millicent tends to be one of those closet softies- so closet that she doesn't realize it herself. She's doesn't necessarily breed pymgy puffs in secret or write sappy love poetry, but Millicent does care- about others as well as what they think of her.

So. Fanon Millicent in brief: independent, mentally and physically tough, closet softie.

WHY THEY WORK

Even though canon doesn’t have much to tell us, it does show that whenever Millicent’s directly discussed, Hermione’s sure to be in the picture somewhere. And while this doesn’t necessarily mean anything (for all we know Millicent is just a convenient Beat-Up-Hermione plot device), it does create something of a tie between the two of them. If you remember nothing else about Millicent, you at least know her as ‘that girl who’s always roughing up Hermione.’

I think this connection is significant- fluke though it may be- because shoving them together shows that in a lot of ways Hermione and Millicent are two sides of the same coin. At their most basic, they’re both very realistic, grounded and driven- but Hermione’s a Gryffindor to the core and Millicent’s a Slytherin, and that makes all the difference. Actually, I think that’s why they work- they can understand each other on a basic level, but they’re different enough to make things interesting.

So. I’m wandering into abstraction here. Okay- let’s define ‘interesting’: what I mean by interesting is that there’s no middle ground with Millicent and Hermione. In the end, they are two very different characters; Hermione’s life revolves around those she loves and she is not self conscious at all about showing it, while Millicent tends to be much more guarded, pessimistic, and disillusioned with the human race in general. These differences make or break them.

If you’re taking the ‘make’ side of the coin, they balance each other beautifully. Hermione’s genuine sweetness and loyalty are what Millicent needs to battle her insecurities, while Hermione needs the kind of stability Millicent has to offer in her life. Hermione and Millicent give each other sanity. While the process of getting to the point where they can be that balanced has to be pretty rocky, they're very much in tune with each other in the end. This is oversimplifying things, but the long and short is- they just fit. And they are so sweet. Aww.

But. The Aww only happens if Hermione and Millicent can stamp down their differences long enough to actually connect. H/M can just as easily turn into a rampage of angst, where Hermione’s fierce house loyalty and Millicent’s anti-social tendencies get in the way and screw over whatever kind of relationship they’ve managed to form. Angry Hermione plus Angry Millicent = explosive, but even so- no matter how vicious they get, you still get the impression that they understand each other in a way that others can’t.

What I personally love about this fandom is how true it rings. It doesn’t veer into either fairytale romance territory or soap operatic tragedy- in the end, it’s just two insecure girls who find something to love in unexpected places. In a way, they’re the anti-fairytale. There’s no classical beauty, poise or white knight to be found in this mix. Hermione and Millicent are so realistically teenager-y and insecure that you can’t help but love them.

I’m worried that I’m setting H/M fandom out as too formulaic- they’re anything but. There may not be too many fics out there, but what stories there are are all over the lot. In general, though, I think the above covers why Hermione and Millicent have so much potential.

As I said: they just work.

FIC RECCAGE

I actually got into the fandom through a fabulous Millicent/Ginny fic by Kate Bolin (which you should definitely check out: Cigarettes and Lakeside Conversations). It won Millicent and her thoughtful maturity a place in my heart, and from there on out I was just an indiscriminate Millie fan. But after a while I found myself drawn back again and again to H/M- half because of what I’ve been babbling on about above, and half because every author who’s tackled the pair is outrageously talented. The fics listed below are just a sprinkling of my favorites, but there are more stellar fics to be found at Girl's Dormitory and hp_girlslash. Oh, and be warned, some of these veer into NC-17 territory.

Aggression by alice_and_lain
What She Hears by sociofemme
Handful of Hollow by Miss Mona
Peaches by sociofemme
Symbiotic and Bundle of Joy by judyhazeleyes


If these fics warm the cockles of your heart- then GO FORTH AND MULTIPLY! Because this ship could always use more disciples.

Happy reading. : )