The question becomes, then, for me, what Oz got out of such a desexualized relationship
My feeling is that it had to do with not wanting to risk losing control with her - that he feared having "wild sex" might make him wild, a wolf (i.e., exactly the kind of sex he had with Veruca). You've touched on this, of course, in a lot of your stories - the wolf coming through when he's having sex with Giles, etc.
In terms of Willow's sexuality though, I think there are hints that she would've been up for a more sexual relationship with a guy - like when she tells Xander "force is okay" (and yes, she's under a spell, but I still think it's a revealing comment!). And Vamp!Willow, who seems to illuminate so much of what's really going on with Willow, is equally lusty with both sexes. So I tend to think the desexualized dynamic is more specific to Oz/Willow - with Oz taking the lead and Willow, as the less experienced one, going along with his more subdued approach.
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My feeling is that it had to do with not wanting to risk losing control with her - that he feared having "wild sex" might make him wild, a wolf (i.e., exactly the kind of sex he had with Veruca). You've touched on this, of course, in a lot of your stories - the wolf coming through when he's having sex with Giles, etc.
In terms of Willow's sexuality though, I think there are hints that she would've been up for a more sexual relationship with a guy - like when she tells Xander "force is okay" (and yes, she's under a spell, but I still think it's a revealing comment!). And Vamp!Willow, who seems to illuminate so much of what's really going on with Willow, is equally lusty with both sexes. So I tend to think the desexualized dynamic is more specific to Oz/Willow - with Oz taking the lead and Willow, as the less experienced one, going along with his more subdued approach.