ext_9821 ([identity profile] hardlyfatal.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] ship_manifesto 2005-07-16 05:19 pm (UTC)

Not to put a damper on things, but this seems long on backstory and short on proving why they work together. I think you could summarize the story's progression more succinctly and expand on their interactions a little more, to be more convincing.

But you are damned thorough! Good job on that!

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